Well here we are on to another week of dealing with a defiant child and the battle between us. We here are still playing the “control game” between him and us! We got involved in church recently and he has been meeting new people and joining more youth clubs. I thought this would be the “cure all” but boy he is still as stubborn as a mule!
We have tried the following tactics to keep the tempers at bay but it came with no such luck. We have found that the wife and I are still going to bed upset and its not necessarily because we are made at each other it is because we are simply exhausted. As our son is getting older we have notice that he has is trying to pin his mom and I against each other when he doesn’t want to do tasks! Next thing we realize is we just got sucked into his plan now we are all arguing and he is still not doing the tasks that started this whole fiasco. This will expand on the original article we had posted from part #1.
https://outdooractivitieskids.com/the-control-game-part-1-you-have-a-child-with-a-defiant-disorder/
Additional Signs We Are Noticing Since “Part 1!”
- Constantly questioning “WHY?!”
- Purposely violating rules “Making sure he is seen doing it!!”
- Authority splitting “Dad/Mom doesn’t make me do this when……..!!”
- Refusing to comply “You don’t have to do this why should I?!”
Here was a few examples of some scenarios mentioned above we see in our son
1- We noticed when that he is given instructions or a certain task the ol’ “WHY” comes up every time. It doesn’t matter if he/she has done it a million times before he/she will still keep asking why!
I know most parent that word drives us crazy when it used in the manner the child is using it. Boy ow boy does this get frustrating!!! “Parents doesn’t worry” we all deal with this and after a ton of questions and research on my part I come to find out it is the childs way of keeping themselves in control. We must step back and take a breath and stick to our guns on this one!!
2- The common violating of rules and guidelines is another one. I have to be honest here our son does not do this as much as some others on the list. This is when children get told a specific 
thing to do or a rule to follow and they flat out doesn’t do it! As we
grew up and attended school we all knew a kid or maybe you could have been that kid that stuck your leg out in a walkway as a teacher walked by.
So generally the first line of punishment is being moved up by the teacher and this may make it worse! Most kids I found during my research worked better when given a little more slack even though we as adults don’t like doing this! The child will usually function better with more space between them and the authority figure!
3- The one we here at home struggle with the most is the times our son tries to pin mom and I against each other! We find if one
of us is struggling with him that after a while he notices it isn’t working in his favor so he will pick an argument with the next adult and now there are two separate arguments going! Geeze we hate this one here because before we know it we were just baited and took it so now mom and I are arguing!
We talked to his Therapist and she said that is a way a defiant child will work to stay in control. Not only did he control the whole situation and got mom and I arguing we were too busy to notice his tasks still never got accomplished. Now mom and I know we need to be a bit more on guard and have each others back during this time. We start giving each other a little inconspicuous look or nudge when we see the other falling into this trap.
4- The last on is the refusing to comply!! I absolutely hate this one because I grew up with the whole “do as I say not as I do” aspect of life. Also, I didn’t matter what it was when a parent told you to pick something up or to do anything you just did it 
without question. I know it would have been a very bad thing for me if I ever looked at my mom or dad and said “why doesn’t you do it then” OR “why do I have to do it and you don’t”
This would have never flew in their house and I know because I was told when I was younger “if you don’t like it get out” or “you can do what you want when you get your own place!!” We are testing the waters to see what outcomes work the best. We have found to try the whole “lets make a contract method” which allows a little more tolerance on our part as parent which we hope leads to a better outcome in the future. “What is this method you may be asking?!” If our son has fell behind and has a room to clean along with dishes and his bathroom we will “make a contract” and we will do the dishes for him if he does the others in a set amount of time. This still gives him some control but not all of it and we hope that builds a little more confidence that he can eventually get caught up and stay caught up!
In Conclusion:
We hope you enjoyed this article and it helps if you are a parent like us struggling with a defiant child. It seems like this has been the longest road we have been down but with talking to others and spreading ideas it has helped tremendously. I hope you get around to checking out the link about for article #1 of this post. Feel free to drop an email and let us know what you think or if you have any ideas on the topic!