Boy have I met my match lately with or son! I have sat down for hours researching options and mentioning them to his doctors because we as his parents are getting to our wits end! 
-Going to bed drained.
-Waking up arguing.
–Stressing over everything.
–Venting on everyone around you.
-The list goes on.
Never would we have imagined the biggest battle in our lives would be butting heads with our son so badly! I sometimes feel like I am in an OL’ caveman movie battling for dominance! We hold that rope at opposite ends and pull and pull with neither one giving in!! We play the whole control game to see who crosses that center line first. I find myself ending almost everyday playing the control game with him and nothing comes out of it except for him finding more loopholes in the rules and me being mad!
Preventing the horrible “LOOPHOLES
This maybe difficult to address with your child but even harder for the parents trust me! They will need to be taught the true meaning of the law/rules and not just their interpretation of that said law or rule. Unless the child has a language impairment or learning disability then they typically know what the adult is asking or expecting and are just simply testing the waters! Here are a couple scenarios we can give to the child to see if they make the correct choice in interpreting what the adult is asking from them.
Scenario #1
– NO TALKING: WHAT IS MENT BY THIS?
1. Be silent?
– OR –
2. Start whispering
Scenario #2
-TURN AROUND: WHAT IS MENT BY THIS?
1. Face the front?
– OR –
2. Turn in the circle
If the child chose the correct answer make sure you reward them with a few kind positive compliments. If the child starts getting off track at anytime down the road just simply ask them “is this the MEANING or the INTERPRETATION” of the question without being too stern! It is easy to become impatient but now is not the time as hard as it may be.
Behavior warning #1 “Lets Make a Deal”
This is another way the child is trying to show you that he/she is in charge. If a parent gives in and “makes a deal” with the child that just shows them that they do have control! Now I am not saying to set your foot down and get more strict when this happens because this will only make the situation escalate very quickly.
If your child does have any sort of defiant disorder and you tell them vs. ask them they most likely will shut down or get very aggressive because that is what this disorder does to them when they feel they don’t have the control. Here is a couple examples of what “lets make a deal” looks like!
MOM/DAD- “Please go clean you room before playing those video games!”!
CHILD- “Let me playing the video game then I will clean my room”!
This will be the point where “MOM or DAD” will be persistent and usually get a little more agitated and then turn stern with the child. Then you will notice the child will try to do more negotiating at this point to show you he/she is still in charge! It will probably end up going a little like this:
CHILD- “What if I clean half my room and then I “only” play a few levels of the video game?”!
This is where it gets tough on the adult and we are pretty aggravated at this point! As bad as it sounds we have to bite our tongue if we want to help the child learn and face it we want that room cleaned sooner than later.
Parents let try this instead: let the child make his or her own decision!
This is how to achieve this and all while we are guiding them to make the right choice without them knowing it. As a parent it is hard after all giving in and letting the child choose on their own but the truth is “ARE WE” or did we nudge them into making the correct choice while letting them believe they won! Try asking in lieu of telling and it is done by taking this approach.
For example:
MOM/DAD- “OK you want to be in charge of “when” you clean your room and play video games? That is fine by us because you can make your own decisions and nobody can tell you what to do, you are in control! If you don’t clean your room then you can’t play video games it is totally up to you!”! This is still basically the same as telling them but in their eyes you asked them so they believe they had the control simply by rephrasing it.
More often then not this works in your favor as the adult. The child goes off and cleans his/her room and then to play video games! For us adults the arguing back and forth is done and the child thinks they made their own choice all without knowing they learned a lesson and no clue we pointed them in the correct direction. WIN, WIN!
Behavior warning #2 “Having the Last Word”
Here is another frustration for parents and I know because I am one and my child is always having to have the last word. Sometimes it may even be a little mumble under his breath or a little louder than a mumble from another room. No matter what he makes sure it is just loud enough for me or mom to hear. This is another defiant disorder and wanting to play the “control game” to show he or she is in charge!
As much as you want to discipline the child for back talking or smarting off sometime let them have “THE LAST WORD”!! Yes you heard that correct LET THEM!
Now the child believes he or she has won their argument and achieved their goal the behavior will cease and they move on as so should the parent. These inappropriate comments however should only be ignored at this time and the punishment will need to be circled back to at a later time when the child is at a calmer state of mind! 
In conclusion:
I really hope you all enjoyed this article and there will be more to come in the near future. We as parents can all help each other and learn from one another to better or children. If it takes some stresses off us in the process than we win at the same time we help our kids succeed in there futures!
Please leave any comments you may have for us and we will happily get back to you as soon as possible.